Dealing with a major life change is a hard thing for anyone to get through despite support. My family has been wonderful in supporting my husband as we walk into new ground. My children feel safe and secure even though they worry about daddy.
Change is not something that is new to my life. Emotional trauma could be my middle name. I grew up in hell. I climbed my way to the mountain’s peak and asked the Lord what shall I do? He told me to teach others to climb as well! So that is what I did with my life. I became a psychiatrist to heal the wounds and hold the hands of those He sends into my journey. I became a minister of the Lord to spread His message of hope for a brighter day. When I became sick with cancer I gave it up to God and told myself to fight this disease, but accept that He may have other plans for me. I was healed through medicine and faith. I know about change.
As I sit here looking back at this time since my husband was diagnosed I have questioned my every movement and word spoken. I was taught to deal with these situations. This is my job! This is my life’s work to walk through the storms carrying those who do not have the strength for another step. Now I am asking the Lord to carry me!
Why don’t I go to therapy? I am seeing a therapist. Is a therapist helping me watch my husband cry at night holding our sleeping baby? No, I am sorry but she is not. I know the tools. I know every word coming out of her mouth before she says it. Why am I wasting my time here when I could be with my family? I already know the answers from a psychological point of view. I know the homework. I know that in this moment I can not do it. I know that the reality is that sometimes you must simply sit in silence and let the storm and all of it’s pain wash over you without a fight. You must breathe and let it be. I know it is out of my hands and into the hands of the right one. I know that eventually we will be okay. We will find calm again. We will find peace. We will be held together by God and love until that moment comes and serenity once again calms our lives. Sometimes you can not deal with a change, but you must simply let it happen and ride the waves.