I Have Seen Too Much

I Have Seen Too Much

Hi everyone it’s Isabella! Today I want to talk about really sucky things happening in life and sometimes there is nothing you can do about it. I try really hard to be a positive person like my mother, but right now the one thing that I am positive of is that my life sucks. My mom says be real. Guess I am going to be real about it then.

Sometimes parents suck. I know my parents are only human and it’s not my place to judge the people who give me the world. I also know my dad is making some really messed up decisions with his life and the only word I can find to describe how I feel is pissed. I am pissed at you dad. I know you are going to read this and I guarantee there will be no I am so proud of you at the end. I know you are struggling with all these changes, but you are acting so wrong right now. You are making me sorry for writing you that letter. You are treating me like an accessory in your life. I am no chain or purse okay? I want you to get better and come home. I want you to stop hurting my mom’s feelings acting a fool. I want you to get your sh*t together and be my dad. Why am I the one who is sounding like the parent here dad? Act right or be gone. Be the father you promised me or be nothing to me. I don’t need a phone call or a visit. You’re not one of my uncles. You keep telling me it’s going to get better, but every day you do something making it worse. You think it doesn’t hurt me when I see you fighting with mom? You must be stupid. Don’t you ever call my mother out her name again! No dad it’s not getting better. It’s only getting worse. Is it you or your disability making you act a fool now? If it was your disability maybe I could forgive you. Mom says have patience because you are struggling. You think I’m not dad?

I don’t need you to be perfect. I never asked you to be perfect. I asked you to be my father. I asked you to love me. I know you got problems going on. Notice mine and feel that! Feel my pain to see the man I once thought was the greatest turn into a complete jerk. You got problems? Yeah, I guess I am a problem that you do not want to deal with right now huh dad? I always wanted to be just like you. Maybe I’ll go do some drugs and see how it feels to not care about anything too. Is that what you want for me dad? Do you still want me to look up to you? It’s kinda hard to look up to someone not there isn’t it?

I do not understand why you think this does not affect me. Do you think I’m too young to notice what’s going on around me? Do you think I can’t check you because I am a child? You’re wrong. Parents need to realize we’re not stupid. You didn’t ask for problems right? Why are you making a choice to make them mine too? I know most kids won’t be straight with their parents. They lie to them and hide stuff. They develop habits to cover their pain. That’s not how I was raised. Practice what you preach or shut that mouth. I seen too much to hear words that mean nothing.

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