Handling a Divorce Properly

Handling a Divorce Properly

We can not deny that marriages that have a disability or long term illness involved have a higher rate for divorce than those that do not. It is a simple, but unfortunate fact of reality. Dealing with these added issues is stressful, and sometimes love alone is not enough to overcome the stresses of life. I’ve seen messy divorces from hell that should have been cut and dry. I’ve also seen divorces go as smoothly as a knife through butter because those people chose to act like adults and keep their priorities in order without letting their personal anger get in the way of controlling them. It’s a matter of respect, and you should definitely have respect for someone that you at one point made a choice to dedicate sharing your life with. Naturally this does not apply to situations where abuse has been a factor in your marriage. You can not respect what has not been shown respect.

Dealing with the pain of a failed married can be hard. No one wants to admit defeat, but especially when it comes to something so important as the sanctity of marital vows. That’s my personal opinion at least. I honestly never wanted to get married. I was quite content being a young single successful guy who was… Enjoying the perks of my position. Okay, I was a whore and I admit it, but I was also a single young guy in the military. I didn’t need that added pressure. After my accident I didn’t think that having a relationship would be possible. I have no issue admitting that I was shallow and superficial when “dating” and so were the women I had been involved with at the time. When I met my wife and daughter my entire life changed. I wanted that family life. I wanted to be a good Christian man for them, because I knew it was something important to her. I never thought we would ever actually date, but I wanted be to be the type of man that woman wanted in her life. To lose that now would crush me and I’d be a lying fool to say the topic hasn’t been brought up on both sides. As I said earlier, it’s hard “to walk in these shoes”. I thank the Lord daily that it’s never come to that and I’d like to think we have an almost perfect relationship. I can easily see how it happens in other homes. There’s a lot to think about and divide when taking the life of a family and breaking into two halves.

Assets

Dividing assets can be difficult. Half of everything gained through the marriage. When it comes to money people will turn ugly very quickly and that’s unfortunate. Some people believe that being a stay at home parent is not a job. You have never worked harder than the constant parent that never gets a break. Children are exhausting and you do not get lunch break. Yes, raising your kids absolutely counts in the court’s eyes as an unpaid full time job and may order spousal support in this situation. The only people who win in court are the lawyers, so the more that you and your soon-to-be-ex can work out on your own the better off everyone will be in the end.

Children

Children are the most important consideration during a divorce, if any are involved. They are innocent victims in their parent’s war and should never be used as pawns or leverage. When it comes to custody and visitation, children need and deserve equal time with both parents, unless there is a legitimate reason to prevent that from happening such as abuse or neglect. You thinking that your ex is a scumbag for leaving does not make them an unfit parent. Kids should never be forced to side with a parent or hear negative talk about them. Why would you want to put your kids through that? It will come back to haunt you. Our kids have enough to grow up dealing with and should be able to count on both parents to support them. If you have a severe disability that affects your ability to meet their basic needs the court may order that you have physical help present during visitation or live in help if you are the primary parent. That is not holding your disability against you. That is ensuring that the children are always in a safe protected environment that meets their needs.

Friends

Friends are often divided during a divorce. Let’s face it, it can be awkward being friends with a divorced couple who are not on good terms. I want to hang out with you, not be grilled over whether or not or who your ex is dating. You’re divorced so move on and leave people out of it. I wasn’t involved in your marriage so don’t put me in your divorce. If you notice that friends are dividing during a divorce try not to take it personally. It’s a difficult position to be put into and most likely they entered your relationship as friends with one of you, not as a married couple.

Going through a divorce is hard and it will impact everyone involved in your lives. Try to keep things as civil and impersonal as possible. Sort through and agree on what you can without the use of lawyers to save yourself time and money. Put the children first at all times and let them continue to be children. Understand that friends will probably go out with who they came in with to your lives. The more civil you can be the happier everyone in your lives will be for it, including you.

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