Being married while dealing with disabilities on both sides is hard, extremely hard. I think I have made it clear that I love my wife more than life itself, but on those weeks of steroids for her treatments it’s like we need an exorcist. This for the sweetest woman alive! Steroid rage is real and it is not pretty. She will go from calm, to crying uncontrollably, to finally breaking dishes and anything within reach. Thank you Prednisone, you are making lives hell on a daily basis for millions of people. A friend of mine whose wife also has undergone chemo treatments calls it, “Steroids, I swear to God this woman secretly hates me”. It’s that bad, but I love this woman, no matter how many dishwashers she kills. That is only dealing with one side effect.
Let’s talk about the financial aspect of life with disabilities. Medical equipment is not cheap. Therapies that are still in trial and not approved for a certain disease but shown to work are not covered. Nursing care so you can be home safely with your family is expensive. I’ll be honest. My wife is only alive because she came from money and made money, even when I have the “best” insurance. Can you pay the $190,000 for the only hope she has? You better not need 6 weeks for a loan approval, because she doesn’t have it. That’s reality and it sucks. That’s why my wife and I help other families in similar situations. My wife has always said my life is no more valuable because of a last name and she’s right. How can these insurance companies look at people and say we could help you, but your life is not cost effective? That’s the reality of having medical needs. As I said we’re fortunate in that aspect, but even money can not buy off cancer.
My PTSD is severe. During episodes I have abused my wife physically in my sleep. I have choked her and punched her. I’ve filed for divorce saying you’re a doctor! You know this is abuse! I’m terrified of sleep. I suffer severe insomnia and need heavy doses of medication to sedate me. Lack of sleep makes my anxiety worse and so goes round the vicious cycle. My wife says she understands the difference between me and an illness I can’t control. I moved out because I didn’t feel she was safe. Her solution was to buy a giant UltraBed. We now have a bed that can sleep every person reading this blog. I said okay this can work. I’m paralyzed so I’ll stay here and you sleep there. That worked great until I realized I’m still waking up with her wrapped around me. The only thing this giant bed has fixed is our giant dogs can now stretch out in peace. You’re welcome Apollo and Cain. That’s my reality. I fear hurting my tiny frail wife while I sleep.
I know every marriage is hard and has problems, but this was not in the handbook people.