This is a difficult blog for me to write having been on both ends of this situation. I’ve been diagnosed as terminally ill and also have lost so many loved ones to both short and long term illnesses including children. The children are the hardest. To see a life ended so shortly after it has begun is always a tragedy. I was inspired to write this blog by a boy named Cole whom I have never met. A young boy beginning his fight against cancer. This blog is intended for the friends and family of people who are going through similar situations. Know you are in the prayers of many Cole and the arms of God. I ask anyone who is of faith to pray for this child that God almighty have compassion on this child’s body, comfort his soul and family, and to give them all strength needed as they enter very rough seas in this time of their lives.
What do people do wrong in these types of situations? There is never a right thing to say. I apologize if this blog seems harsh, but having been there I know the pain of these mistakes. We often forget the small details in daily life. Make one of these 2 mistakes and it will not be forgotten.
The first mistake is to give false hope that all will be well again. We do not know that and often in times of illness with every step forward come two setbacks. It is a rollercoaster of fear and uncertainty. Positivity is extremely important.
“You are so strong. You are handling this so well. Keep fighting because we need you and love you. I know you are stronger than this! We love you. We are here for you. We are always praying for you.”
This is positivity. False hope is when you intend to strengthen a person/family and it ends up raising hope too high. What are you going to say to that person when you look in the eyes of your dying friend, child, spouse, sibling, parent? You won’t because you won’t be there. That brings us to point 2.
Now that things are not going well and when we are not magically healed you slowly disappear. Some of you run like there is a warrant on you, but that’s on your karma not mine. I know why you leave because I am a psychiatrist. Does your person understand? Stop being a bitch, man up, and deal with the situation. Look me in my eyes and tell me how your emotional pain is more important than the last comfort of a child or that of a family? Tell me, because you can’t! Your pain does not matter when a life is being lost and a family finds themselves with less and less shelter. Facebook posts do not count. If you won’t be there in the end no matter how the battle ends do not be there in the beginning. We don’t want you around when we weren’t worth a goodbye so take your hello and shove it.