What is the hardest part of being disabled?
For me personally it’s accepting that no matter how much work I put into my journey I will never be the same person mentally. My self confidence has taken a hit on multiple levels. Would I find love? Would I be a good enough spouse? Would I be a good parent to my children? Will I ever accept that I am never going to feel the same about my body?
Being injured and having your world flipped upside down in seconds is not an easy thing to adjust to in life. I’m getting very close to my anniversary and the more I question my life the more questions I end up with in my end. When will it stop? Will it ever stop? Is this part of the human condition to always want better and more or is it my insecurities about my worth as a person? I know I am basically a good person. I don’t question that part of it. I wonder about how my disability affects the way people see me as a whole. Am I the same person in their eyes? Do I have the same value as an able bodied person to a stranger?
Do you feel like you lost something that you can’t get back? Not physically, but a missing piece of your soul. I don’t know how to explain it properly. Some days I feel like I am nothing more than a broken shell. I don’t want to feel that way, but it sneaks up on me at the worst possible time. I thought I was fairly well adjusted after all of the years but I don’t know anymore. I find myself wondering more and more about what people really see when they look at me.
Recently I have encountered a few people who were unable to hold in their ignorant perceptions of what a disabled person must be like. It makes me wonder how many people honestly think that way but never say it. Do you feel judged all the time when strangers look at you? How do you get past that point? I find myself becoming bitter and equally saddened when these things happen. I tell myself it’s because they have no experience with disabled people. How many people really have first hand experience with a disabled person in their life to know that we are no different where it counts? The whole world can’t possibly have those opinions. I know this logically, but every time I encounter another stupid comment it makes me question everything once again. What do you think people really think of us?