As I laid there staring at the ceiling, listening to machines beeping and people screaming, I was worried that I may never be where I was before. I had made it through this situation, and hoped that nothing like it would ever cross my path again. Laying there made me realize that there’s more to life than just going around pretending to be the one person you’re not. It made me think about my past actions, and the person that I have now become. I desperately wanted to realize who I was in this world, where I fit in, and why this had happened to me.
Without any warning it hit me at 1000 mph. Confusion blocked my every thought, as that one event took control. It was unstoppable, and it was hard to handle. The fear, pain, uncertainty, feeling of loss, desperation; whatever that one or many emotions might have been, I held onto them, only until it was way too hard to fight, then I let others into my life to help handle.
I’ve many times heard of the mind and its mysterious ways. Thoughts thicken like fog until the back of the eyes go blind. Fear sets in, and lets the body know how far it can push itself before it breaks down in heartache. I know for this feeling has covered me like a thick afghan. Trembles start like a ghost was seen, and the only thing left to do is listen and hope for peace.
The above words explain my feelings after my accident. If I knew at the time what I know now, I would have dealt with my accident a different way. I now know that it is okay to grieve. It is normal to go through that process. Every emotion that I felt, I tucked away in the back of my head thinking that these feelings weren’t normal. I put a smile on my face and dealt with the life-changing event with whatever means I had.
I went through a grieving process five years post my accident that I felt like I should’ve gone through in the beginning. It snuck up on me, and until then I didn’t know what I was feeling. In order to help me share my thoughts and understand myself further, I see a therapist every so often. When I told her about this she said it’s very natural for someone who’s been through a situation like mine to have those feelings. Everybody handles things differently and it’s okay to let things out as they come.
It is difficult to go through something as traumatic and life changing as I have. I am a happy person and accepting of what has happened to me. I do have feelings of loss sometimes, and there are days that interfere with my daily routine. I may lose sleep or be depressed at times. The grieving process that I’ve gone through before involves those feelings of loss and hopelessness. I know these feelings are normal and through therapy it helps to get back on track. This doesn’t mean that I’m not able to function on a daily basis.
Having experienced it myself, I like to stress the importance of being able to talk to someone other than those close to you. Sometimes when a person talks to people that are regularly involved in their lives, those people tend to take the problems on themselves; try to fix them instead of just listening. I am glad that I have someone else to talk to who can help me figure out the emotions and situations I go through. It helps to know that my thoughts are normal and that every “roll” I take is in the right direction.