Hello Friends! Hope you are all enjoying your summer. For the past ten years I have been a life coach to many people, with and without disabilities, including kids ranging from ages 9-18. Whether you have a disability or not, these are critical years when it comes to personal development.
What I have been noticing more and more is how much more of a transition it is for those kids who grow up with their disabilities. We all go through those awkward times of growth, inwardly and outwardly, in our lives. Call it puberty. Call it hormonal. Call it hell. Call it stepping into womanhood or manhood. Whatever you call it, it is a tough time and we, as parents, need to be even more sensitive when it comes to our children with disabilities.
Being a person who acquired his disability at age 15, I use to forget about those individuals who were born with a disability and have had to experience everything with their disability. This includes puberty. I kind of went through these awkward times before paralysis and when I was paralyzed and all I can say is that emotionally and mentally, I struggled. Sometimes it is so difficult for me to imagine what life would have been like without those first 15 years on my feet.
What would have happened if I was born with my disability? Would I have gone to the same school, had the same friends, had the same attitude, you name it? I sure hope so, but no one will ever know. There are some people who think it would have been far easier for me to just have been born with paralysis and whereas I would have never had to make the transition to a part of my life in a wheelchair.
With all that I have studied and experienced working with youngsters with disabilities, I don’t believe for a moment that this transition, through puberty and adolescence, is easy for anyone. It may even be more difficult for those people who were either born with their disability or acquired their disability before their teenage years.
The parents of my younger coaching clients contact me because they notice their children with disabilities going through some major challenges and they don’t know why. They tell me that their kids are growing, going to school, involved in different activities, have friends, etc. The common denominator among all these kids…they are seeing themselves as “disabled” for the first time in their lives and in some instances are “feeling,” disabled for the first time in their lives. Heart-wrenching I know, but perfectly normal and natural.
If having a disability is all you know, being born with one, it is your daily life, from the moment you wake up in the morning until the moment your head hits the pillow. There is nothing to compare it to because this is what you know. Inevitably, as we all do or have done in our lives, we begin to judge ourselves and compare ourselves to others. This begins in these pre-teen and teenage years…and sometimes this hits kids with disabilities like a ton of bricks.
So what can you do if you are this youngster with a disability, the parent of this child, or maybe someone who works with this child? You create a safe and secure environment so this child can feel his or her feelings and process them with someone who will not judge, criticize, or do anything but accept them as they are. They need to know that what they are experiencing is perfectly natural and normal and that it is perfectly okay if they get sad, angry, frustrated, depressed (to a certain degree), you name it and that this time in their life will pass. They need to know that yes, they are a person with a disability, but that the disability is a part of their life and not what defines them.
They need to know that their challenges may be more severe and noticeable to the world, but that everyone has challenges and it is pointless to compare. They need to know that for every one thing that may be a challenge in their life, not going well, and get them down…that there are at least 10,000 for which they should feel grateful for and as I say, “The only place a true disability can reside is in one’s attitude…and that is a choice that you make or not make.”
Keep the lines of communication open, which means being a great listener and also a supportive talker, and help them find that place of acceptance within themselves. It is my belief that is acceptance of yourself means that there are things in your life that you like about your life and things about your life that maybe you don’t like about your life. You try your best to change as many things about your life that you can, but the truth of the matter is that there are things you will not be able to change. You combine the likes with the dislikes and you arrive at that wonderful place in the middle…acceptance! Enjoy the journey!
What are some of your thoughts and experiences on this topic? Would love to hear about them and grow and learn from you.
