Imperfect bodies are a defining feature of people with disabilities. Some start out in imperfect bodies, others find themselves in such a position later in life. And the process of either grieving for your perfect body that never was, or the perfect body you once had, can take your soul through some ugly depths of the human struggle.
It can take a lifetime to learn how to be ok with not being ok, and even if you don’t have a disability, all humans must face the eventual demise of their corporal form. We just learn this lesson before our Golden Years hit.
You may wail, you may resent your condition, you may constantly compare yourself to everyone who‘s more mobile than you, and you may even ignore your condition if you can, but at the end of the day you will always find your disability staring you in the face. And what I’ve learned, is that if you want to survive, you have one choice and one choice only: Find peace, or face a lifetime of unhappiness.
Unlike Beetlejuice, no one gives you a handbook that teaches you the ropes on how to live with a disability once you find yourself disabled. And no one especially tells you the insanely difficult mental hurdles that are ahead; life lessons you must learn in order to survive the dis-life. And if you’re anything like me, and are interested in much more than just simple survival, wanting to thrive and live fully despite your disability, than the profound life lesson of being at peace with what you can’t do is of paramount importance. You need to get there.
To find peace, one of the worst things you can do is vilify your disability. To hate your disability is to hate a part of you, and you’ll never find peace that way. Anger and resentment only lead to more bullcrap negativity, and will do nothing good for you except make your life unhappy. The very nature of being human is about imperfection. Everyone, from top athletes to supermodels, have at least something flawed about their body. As each second passes, we’re all in the same boat.
While I would’ve loved to have been given a packet on “Life Lessons: How You Should See the World Now” after my injury, I’m not quite sure how much good it would’ve done. The only way I got to where I am today is through pure experience, and forcing myself to think positively whenever the “woe is me” hit.
After eighteen years, I can assuredly say “I’m finally ok with not being ok!” And I only got to this peaceful place because I desperately need to be happy. The tornadoes and doomsday scenarios are enough to make this girl realize life is too short. Best be enjoying my awesome imperfections before they’re gone as well!
Are you ok with not being ok? How did you find peace?
Photo courtesy of Jared Hanson
My accident was 13 years ago leaving me paralyzed from the neck down (C4 quadriplegic). I was 28, happily married with a 10-month-old baby. While grieving the loss of my body and life as I once knew it, I had to endure to the breakdown of my marriage and subsequent divorce a year later as there was no manual for two young people to teach us how to cope with such a devastating change in our lives.
It probably took me another two years or so to accept my disability and by the grace of God, with the help of family, friends and my community I managed to successfully rebuild a new meaningful life in a new body.
The past three months have been extremely difficult for me as out of the blue I began having severe spasms which are seriously affecting the quality of my life as I am no longer able to sit in my wheelchair without falling over continuously. I have been to doctors and specialists and everybody seems to be a total loss. Nothing seems to work. Now once again I am faced with the challenge of learning to be okay with not being okay. At this stage, I’m just taking one day at a time. It’s tough.
Aw Tracy, those mystery spasms sound awful. Have you considered getting a Baclofen pump?
I know all of us get old and feeble but I still had a few years left..I have so much to be thankful for but sometimes its hard to see. Im able to live alone and I mean alone my folks are on the other end of the country and I never see noone unless they need alittle cash..I dont take one single pill but I might start as my spasms are making it difficult to move around…Im a t-3 chest down…but my arms are very strong. I really try to look on the bright side but sometimes it feels like there isnt any. music is what saves me I like blues Ive played guitar most of my life and still can thankfully ,it says it all..walking blues and then the one about , all the things I used to do I wont do no more,,lol…but even so Ive been paralyzed four or so years my mind isnt excepting this and it can be a real struggle. I try hard to be pleasent and thankfull because noone likes a grouch. I spend alot of time here at home listening to music it takes me back to a time when life had meaning and was fun. but thanks for the advise Ill try harder to think positive cause I do know it could have been alot worse then it is…mike