Holidays are steeped in tradition and expectations. As a parent you may look forward to these traditions or feel pressure from relatives to continue certain family traditions. This puts a lot of stress on both parent and special needs child.
Your child with disabilities may be unable to take part due to physical limitations or from a lack of awareness or desire to do so. Despite these challenges, do your best to include your son or daughter in the holiday festivities. Think about accommodations that can assist your child to take part in or to create new holiday traditions.
Remember, it doesn’t have to be perfect
While working with your child, decorations may be lopsided and cookies may not look perfect. Remember your goal is for your child to look forward to taking part in the holiday. She is sure to lose interest if she is constantly being nit-picked about her hard work. Be an encouraging parent.
Respect your child’s sensory boundaries
Think of your child’s sensory issues and keep that in mind when decorating and putting together festivities. Don’t flood your home with scented candles and potpourri. If your child needs periods of quiet time, resist playing holiday music all day. There is less chance for behavior issues to develop when her sensory system is not overwhelmed.
Put your child in charge
As the chief holiday planner, you may be used to taking on most, if not all, of the holiday festivities. But now it’s time to 
take a back seat and put your child in charge of some of these holiday tasks. By doing so, he will have some ownership of the holiday tradition and be more motivated to take part. You may find that your child will come up with his own ideas. Let your child take the lead.
Holiday cards
Holiday cards are a great opportunity to involve your child. When you get cards in the mail, make it your child’s responsibility to take care of them. You can tie a string from one end of the wall to another (at your child’s height) and have your child place the cards on the string. Another idea is to drop cards in a special Christmas card box.
For younger children, you can add in some sorting games. She can sort vertical and horizontal cards, cards with photos, santas, snow men, reindeer, etc. If you have a large empty wall, use masking tape to create a large triangle. She can tape the cards to the wall to create a giant Christmas card tree.
When sending out holiday cards, engage your child by having her put the stamp on or putting a holiday sticker on the back of the envelope.
Christmas ornaments
If your child is unable to hang ornaments on a tree, there are still ways to make this tradition enjoyable for him. Your child can dictate where you should place each ornament. You might ask which are his favorite ornaments so these can be hung on the front of the tree where he can admire them.
Some children lack the dexterity to handle the ornaments properly. Get creative by having a tree filled with stuffed animals, Matchbox cars or other toys. These can be placed on the tree branches rather than hanging them with hooks.
Another alternative is to go to a teacher store. They have great holiday themed decorations that are meant to go on bulletin boards. But you can tape these to your child’s bedroom or play room wall. You and your child might have fun designing your own giant gingerbread house, Christmas tree, snowman or replica of the North Pole.
For the child with special interests, engage your child by finding decorations that are meaningful to him. He might love decorating a small tree or wreath with Thomas trains, Barney or other high interest items.
Baking cookies
Do your cookies have to look like holiday cookies? If your child has severe motor skills challenges, it doesn’t matter if they are misshapen or simply pre-made cookie dough squares dropped on the baking tray. The important part is that you two did it together.
Baking is also a great time to throw in some extra learning or therapy exercises like following directions, using measurements and kneading dough. Your child with sensory challenges may not want anything to do with the baking process. Let her read the directions to you and set the baking timer. She can put the sprinkles on the cookies at the end. Find one part of the baking process that can involve your child so she can proudly tell relatives she helped make the cookies.
Making a Christmas list
Buying Christmas presents can be daunting for the child who shows no interest in making a Christmas list. Some children can be assisted in this process with a little advance preparation. Flipping through toy catalogs can be overwhelming for a child. Since you know your child best, cut out the items you think she will like and tape them in a spiral notebook (one picture to a page). Your child can flip through this much smaller booklet and check off the items she likes.
A fun alternative is the Email Santa website. It includes a fill in the blank letter and lets you include visual photo choices. You instantly receive a personalized letter from Santa based on your info that you can print out. Check the naughty or nice list, send a letter to Rudolph and even read Santa’s blog.
See our article, Surviving the holidays: Gift giving and opening presents, for involving your child in the gift giving process, receiving gifts from relatives and opening presents.
Other resources
Christmas holiday traditions – Resources communication boards, holiday social stories and videos of children talking about Christmas
Hanukkah holiday traditions – Resources include activities, modified lessons and children talking about Hanukkah
Kwanzaa holiday traditions – Resources include activities, modified lessons and videos of children talking about Kwanzaa
Santa Claus resources – Santa support packet, NORAD Santa tracker and other santa resources
Winter activities – Plenty of modified and fun winter activities for your child
Visiting Santa – Giving your special needs child a memorable experience
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Some rights reserved by Matt Perreault
