Let’s be honest, 2009 will probably go down as one of the most stressful years seen in this country (especially for those who weren’t alive to experience the Depression). I know it wasn’t easy for me, from cutbacks on writing gigs, cancer in the family, a suicide, bad dating luck, not to mention a cool summer (in Minnesota that’s a very bad thing), 2009 just couldn’t find its legs. But was this year a complete waste? A year of life never is.
One thing I love about being paralyzed and can utter without any doubt in my mind, is how its made me a certified bad ass. I experienced one of most unimaginable things anyone can go through, and I can still smile, a genuine smile, and love my life.
With that said, the financial crisis has been trying, for me and for everyone else; especially when you look at health insurance BS. While I have yet to be seriously affected by the Medicaid cutbacks seen in Minnesota, I know millions of people with serious disabilities across the country – disabilities that require expensive equipment – are having to go without. They’re suffering and living less-independent lives because of our volatile financial system. It’s not fair. I want to moan and complain and hide under a rock until we see surpluses again too, but as Jareth from Labyrinth said to Sarah, “Who says life is fair?” We need to somehow make it through.
Our disabilities make us seasoned pros. When times are tough, we have the capacity to deal better than most. You think the prospect of losing a job is going to send me into a depressive episode? Think again. I haven’t been able to stand independently since 1993 thanks to the worst decision of my life made at age 14. No Recession can trump that awful story (sorry to burst your bubble Bernie Madoff). I’ve seen the REAL bad stuff. Money crises, albeit stressful and annoying, are nothing compared to the life of a C5-6 quad.
I also experienced an age-defining milestone this year: Turning 30. In many ways I still feel like the 14 year old girl who broke her neck. I have this theory that anyone who experiences a traumatic experience will for the rest of their life still feel like the age they were when it occurred (at least partially). At 30, I now belong to an age-group that feels completely foreign to me, but what’s a girl to do? The clock has passed and I’m still a C6 quadriplegic. And it’s 2009. It is what it is.
Yes, there’s a Recession going on. But the world has always been a crazy place: Wars, terrorism plagues, personal struggles, you name it, they’re underway. And 2010 is likely to be crazy too. But I’m not worried. I plan on holding onto my inner-strength – toned and strong thanks to my disability – and will make it through. As will you.
Also, I can’t stress enough how glad I am that turning 31 will be the opposite of a milestone next year. See, 2010 is already on the up and up.
You tell em Tiff, and did you do the cool picture?
Nah, can’t take credit for that unfortunately. Glad you like it though :)
Tiffiny — I really needed to see your essay today. C3-4 quad) told me she resented my being able to walk and use my hands fully, and then started sobbing. I won’t show her your essay yet, but I sure needed to see it. Any more inspirational comments would really be welcome. Take care!