This is a guest post on the EasyStand Blog by Joan Celebi of Special Needs Parent Coach.
What’s bedtime like in your family? Years ago, when I dreamed of one day becoming a mom, I had visions of an easy, orderly, effortless bedtime routine that my kids would follow cheerfully. Bedtime would be a peaceful and harmonious end to each day. After I became a mom, reality set in: I had no idea how chaotic bedtime could be!
In a recent Special Needs Parent Coach survey, bedtime was listed by special needs moms and dads across the nation as one of the top challenges they’re facing. Today, our guest columnist, behaviorist Donna Shea, shares her top 6 tips for helping your child transition to sleep. And when bedtime goes more smoothly for your children, the whole family is happier!
Bedtime CAN be the peaceful, happy time of day that we often see depicted in children’s stories and encouraged by parenting books. But if bedtime in your family is less than idyllic, don’t despair! With practice, perseverance, and patience, you can help your children make the transition to bedtime and sleep go more smoothly. And when you get bedtime under control, the payoffs are huge: family life in general feels more relaxed, which in turn has a positive ripple effect in all kinds of ways.
I can tell you from personal experience that behaviorist Donna Shea’s advice and strategies are gold! My son attends her social skills playgroup program here in Massachusetts, and he has made leaps and bounds not only socially, but also in his ability to handle anxiety, and yes — in his ability to cooperate cheerfully at bedtime. Not every night is pure bliss, but on the increasingly frequent occasions when bedtime goes smoothly, the peace and harmony we experience are indescribably wonderful. Today Donna shares with us her top 6 tips for better bedtimes.
Bedtime Blues: Helping Your Child Transition to Sleep
Contributed by Donna Shea, Director, The Peter Pan Center
* Teach your child the word transition and what it means (needing to stop one thing and start doing another) and empathize that bedtime can be a difficult transition to make. Remember that you are asking your child to separate from you for an extended period of time and this can sometimes cause worry or sadness.
* Develop a bedtime routine with your child’s assistance. Sit with magazines, construction paper and glue sticks to make a visual chart of the routine.
* Bedtime routines should include soothing activities (a warm bath and/or milk, reading together, back rubs). Avoid stimulating activities such as television, video games or rough and tumble play for at least 30 minutes before bedtime. While television looks like a passive activity, it highly stimulates the brain.
* If you have a child that is anxious, try writing down thoughts in a “worry” notebook kept by the bed. This way, the child can talk to you about their anxiety and let the book “hold” their worries so that they can sleep.
* If you are trying to break bad bedtime habits such as letting your child sleep with you, rocking them to sleep beyond infancy, manipulations such as drinks and many trips out of the bedroom, your only recourse is likely the “Super Nanny Method” of quietly and consistently returning your child to their bed (without getting upset and without talking to the child) until your child learns that you mean business.
* Of course, you can’t force anyone to fall asleep. For older children especially, you may want to institute a “parent quiet time” rule by allowing them to remain awake doing quiet activities until they fall asleep, but they are not allowed out of their bedrooms after a certain time.
Donna Shea, Director of the Peter Pan Center in Harvard, MA, is a behaviorist and parent educator who works to address the needs of families struggling with learning, behavioral and social challenges. She provides social skills programs for children in Pre-School through 8th Grade, and is a behavioral consultant to local schools, parent groups, and human service agencies. Donna brings over 20 years of life experience to her work as a parent of two sons with ADHD. You can learn more and contact Donna at www.peterpancenter.homestead.com.
What bedtime routines work for your kids? What doesn’t work?
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