Stories of the Ugly “First Wheelchair”

This is a guest post by Tiffiny Carlson, writer on Beautyability.com and quadriplegic.

Everyone has their “first wheelchair” stories. Getting your first chair can be a hurried thing. Your insurance might not have kicked-in yet, it might have been long ago in a time when wheelchair technology was no better then Archie Bunker’s reclining chair. Whatever the reason, the chair itself is something you’ll never forget (and NEVER want back). Here are a couple of stories to share in your commiseration.

My first chair: The louder-than-a-small-plane EJ monstrosity

It was November 1993, and I was about to be discharged from the hospital, having broken my neck 3 months earlier. I was sent home in a rental chair (my teal power chair wouldn’t be arriving until Spring). And in retrospect, this rental – an old E&J electric wheelchair upholstered in faded brown leather, with a ginormous shiny metal box which served as the base for the joystick – was by far the worst/ugliest wheelchair I’ve ever used in my life (not an exaggeration).

The most noticeable thing about it that screamed “please put me in a mannequin shredder or something like that asap,” was the LOUD whining noise it emitted every time I operated the joystick. The inventor who created this chair must have been drunk. So there I was, highlighting my entrance to any vicinity I graced with a lovely pleasant noise that closely resembled a kitten dying.

I could go on and on about this piece of crap: It was ill-fitting, the footrests were too bulky, it made me look like an old lady….ug….I wonder where it is now? Parted out somewhere, or is it still being used?

Anyways, enough about me.

Madonna Long’s first chair: Bertha The Beast

Madonna Long, a paraplegic, is a longtime friend of mine, and the co-founder of the new magazine for women with disabilities, Chloe Magazine. She has a wicked sense of humor and shared with me her first wheelchair experience (from the wretched early ‘90s as well).

Well you know your first wheelchair was the one that got you around and most likely was a piece of crap. Yep, I had one, she was called “Bertha the Beast” (a manual chair) by my high school friends and college buds. She was an E&J. It was metal and no color, no personality, just metal. Weighed 60 lbs for a small 85 pound blonde girl who had just got injured. They are out of business now.

Well, Bertha went to many frat parties, many University of Wyoming football games, she ended up in the lake one time (without me), when Troy Price and Shane Edgar had a few beers and decided to take her off the dock. Well the end came for Bertha when Quickie wheelchairs came out. Wow, a wheelchair with color, lightweight, and the wheels came off. Oh, speaking of the wheels coming off…

My roommate Paul, a kid I grew up with, one time decided to get me back for putting a dead frog in his bed the night he brought some hot blonde chick home. Joe (my other roommate) and I decided to play a joke on Paul. So I talked Joe into getting the petrified frog out of the back yard and placing it in his bed under the covers. It was a weekend event for Paul, bringing a girl home (RIP Paul. I know you don’t mind me telling the story and I am sure you are laughing in Heaven with Joe -RIP).  So that night Paul came home, had his hot date and then the lights went out in his room that was by the living room where Joe and I were watching TV, all the sudden a shriek was heard.  We were cracking up so hard, Paul came out in his boxers, he looked at me. He said. “Madonna, I will get you back”.

Weeks went by, I guarded everything, knowing him since we were like 7 years old, and he always kept his word. Christmas break came and he and Joe went home to Northern Nevada. I was at our house in Reno alone. I went to the grocery store and as I was strolling down the frozen food section, all of the sudden my wheel started to shake and then rolled off, as I grabbed the side of the open freezer and watched my wheel take a stroll off of Bertha The Beast.  I thought “OH crap.”  Well, a guy came to my rescue and helped me put the wheel back on with the help of the manager’s tools. Remember, E&J’s wheels were not removable.

I went home for Christmas and Joe, Paul and I were up on the hill with other friends inner-tubing. Paul, who is a big tall handsome guy, picks me up and we get on the inner-tube together. I then tell him, “Oh gosh, you know what happened when I was at the store my wheel came off of Bertha. His face changed, we were on the tube about to descend down the hill of snow. I said, “You jerk what did you do to my wheel?” He said, “Oh I said I would get you back, but I forgot that I had loosened it a night or so after you put the frog in my bed.”

I loved Joe and Paul.  They were the best part of the first few years of my disability. Joe died in a car accident that he and Paul were in a year after that. Paul never recovered, and lived a hard life. He died last year in a bar fight. I sure loved them and know that they are together now, laughing, and always watching over me in heaven.

If you were lucky to have friends who loved you unconditionally and you had a crappy chair, you were lucky; like I was with Joe, Paul and Bertha.  My best girlfriend Leah and I gave Bertha a farewell down a huge hill in Reno the day my Quickie wheelchair arrived.

What was your first wheelchair like? Was it ugly, clunky, noisy, or just downright embarassing?